Thursday, October 11, 2007

Lucky or Deserving?

I was sitting in the staff room last week, eating my lunch and observing my surroundings. I was listening with interest while my colleagues chatted about all sorts of different things. Even though I don't contribute a whole lot to the discussions, I still feel like I'm very much a part of the conversation. And as I sat with my lunch and my friends, I felt myself choke up a bit: I am so thankful for where I am this year. I enjoy my job, I enjoy the people around me... sometimes I'm so happy about it all that I get a bit overwhelmed. I don't try to constantly make comparisons between this year and last, but this year is such a different experience for me that it's hard *not* to compare. Over and over I remind myself how lucky I am.
Some people might say it has nothing to do with luck. They might say that I worked hard and that I deserve to be in a better situation this year. But I'm not sure I agree. You see, that sort of thinking can go very wrong very fast. What if I work hard this year but end up at another very difficult school next year? Will I deserve that? I understand that attributing good things to luck takes away a certain sense of power over your life, but the simple fact is that there are many things in life we don't have power over. This year, I consider myself lucky. If my situation is not as good next year, I'll remember the good times I had this year, and hope that my next posting is better. The danger in feeling like you deserve good things is that sometimes you don't get good things. In those cases, do you chide yourself and say that you should have worked harder in order to deserve (and therefore get) good things? Or do you get mad at the world because you didn't get something you felt you deserved? Of course we should always try to make the best of every situation, and put our best effort into whatever we do. I can't help but think, though, that effort is not the only thing determining success. When things go right, I like to remember that at least some part of it was thanks to luck. Next time around, it may not work out... but what if that's a good thing? Good for humility, good for a reminder that we're just human, good for a basis of comparison (can you truly be happy if you've never known sadness?). All too often, we don't know what we've got till it's gone. I am lucky in this respect: I know and deeply appreciate what I've got, because I didn't have it last year.
That's my thanksgiving reflection.

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