Perfection

I've been working for the past little while on a scrapbook to document the fun times my sister and I had while she was visiting me in Montreal this summer. I bought a $1 scrapbook -the kind you used to use in grade 2 - and just started writing down my memories. Being into card-making as I am, I see all kinds of gorgeous scrapbook pages all the time. But that's not the kind of scrapbook I'm trying to create. I just wanted something pretty and fun to remember all the things we did while she was visiting. I made sketches for each page, and some neat drawings… but it's nothing too complicated.
At first, I wasn't sure how to begin or how to arrange the pages or what kind of "look" I wanted… but then I decided to just jump into it. I'm not being super particular or trying to get everything just right or starting over if I make mistakes - which is actually a big step for me. I'm not being careless, but there are still mistakes. And I'm ok with that, which makes me proud of myself. I used to be so concerned with making sure everything I did was perfect - schoolwork, social relations, you name it. Talk about stress! My grades were great because of it, but I always felt mildly panicked when I was in social situations (did I say the right thing? Did I laugh at the appropriate volume and for an appropriate length of time? Was my comment properly timed? Was my facial expression appropriate? …The pressure I put on myself was suffocating!).
This scrapbook adventure has really opened my eyes to the many disadvantages of worrying too much. I haven't been worried about the outcome, I've just been enjoying the process: remembering all the happy times, using my imagination to make it look good, enjoying getting to play with all my craft tools (or "toys", as I like to call them)… It occurred to me a few days ago that I don't often feel this way about card-making because I'm usually so concerned about making sure the card looks just right. Sometimes I think about it, and I fear it's gotten to the point where I put so much pressure on myself to make amazing cards every time that I never take time to just enjoy the paper and markers and glue and ribbon and other wonderful "toys" that I've got at my disposal. I'm often so worried that the outcome won't be perfect that I don't even start, isn't that sad? Well, this scrapbook has changed that. Perfection is no longer the goal - enjoyment is. If I make something beautiful in the process, so much the better.
My new advice to myself: don't let fear of making a few little mistakes along the way keep you from trying or even beginning.