LED Christmas lights rant

I would like to rant for a few minutes against the evil plague more commonly known as “LED Christmas lights”.

Christmas is a time of joy. A time of happiness. A time of plenty. A time of friends and family.

Christmas is NOT a time of scrimping and saving. It is NOT a time of eating healthy and staying true to your diet. It is NOT a time of environmental friendliness. (Ok, for some people it is, but don’t argue with me right now)

So why, may I ask, were LED Christmas lights invented? Are they brighter than regular lights? No. Are they cheerier than regular lights? No. Do they have more festive colours than regular lights? No. In no way do LED "Christmas" lights enhance the experience of joy and cheer that regular Christmas lights were created to do.

It’s like someone asking for shortbread and being handed instead a saltine cracker.

As I ride along in the bus, with my re-usable lunch bag and tupperware containers in hand (note the references to my environmentally-conscious behaviour), I am saddened by all the houses glumly strung with LED lights. My eyes strain to see their light - they give off a sort of anti-light. They’re certainly not bright or cheerful. They don’t illuminate anything within 1/4 of an inch from their bulbs.

Why were these abominations created?!? If you just answered, “to be environmentally friendly,” imagine me giving you a death glare.

Christmas is not about being environmentally friendly. It’s not. Everyone in the world is (or pretends to be) environmentally friendly these days. Everyone pretends to be health-conscious, too. And we pretend to be fiscally responsible. Great. Wonderful - save the world with your reformed ways. But leave Christmas alone. It’s bad enough we’ve got people ragging on the fact that Christmas stuff is available as of November 1st. Sure, it’s a bit early. But in every other time of life, being ahead of the game is considered a good thing. If it bothers you that much, stop spending so much time at the mall.

First it’s LED anti-Christmas non-lights. Next thing you know, it will be shortbread made with margarine and splenda and egg nog made with whites only and skim milk. Then gifts will be sitting under the tree wrapped not in colourful paper, but in articles of clothing stolen from the laundry hamper. And after that, gifts won’t be given at all. Everyone will just present you with something they stole from your room and tell you that you don’t deserve gifts because you already have too much stuff.

If you want to ruin a holiday, ruin Halloween. I don’t see LED *halloween* lights. I don’t see sugar-free, fat-free candy being given out to trick-or-treaters. I don’t see people re-using the same costume over and over to save on wasted fabric.

Save the Christmas spirit!
Save Christmas cheer!
Don't use LED anti-Christmas non-lights!!

Thank you.